Parenting With RA

The other day I was reading a post over at RA Warrior about housekeeping or the lack of for some of us with RA. Several readers commented on how helpless or frustrated they felt now that their RA has limited their abilities around the house.


This got me thinking about my RA parenting limitations. I have had RA longer than I’ve been a parent and have felt the frustration of my limitations several times over the years.


The first time was right after I gave birth to my daughter. As a lot of us know, RA often decides right after childbirth is a perfect time to give us a major flare up. I could barely get out of bed, let alone care for my daughter. As my daughter grew over the months I had difficulty lifting her. She learned at a young age if she wanted mommy to lift her, she would have to wrap her arms around my neck so that I could scoop her out of her crib. Instinctively, she grew quickly into an independent and caring child.


With my physical health getting worse I had to quit my job. (This is one time RA did something nice for me – I love being a stay at home mom!) Our doctor advised us not to give birth to any more children. So 10 years after our daughter’s birth we adopted our 2 sons, ages 2 & 3 years old. We thought that by adopting older children there wouldn’t be diapers to change and they wouldn’t need to be carried as much, and so on… Well, we adopted our sons from Haiti and guess what? There were diapers to change and as they were smaller than other children their age they did need to be carried more often. (Okay, this is another time when RA did something positive for me; I never had to change 1 stinky diaper, lol!) I also was not able to sit on the floor and play with my boys and I can’t do this with my grandchildren now either – I miss this!


The school system and my boys didn’t get along so we home schooled for the first 6 years, which was often trying as well as rewarding (darn, another positive). The hardest part was making sure they met the physical education criteria, but we managed with Tae Kwon Do lessons and Air Cadets.


During these years, my health did get worse and I went from cane, to walker to wheelchair; from the freedom of driving to being driven, from being able to do household chores & cooking to supervising (hmmm – another positive?). When I was driving, we had a 12 passenger van made into a wheelchair van; but once I was told by my doctor not to drive anymore, there didn’t seem to be a reason to keep the gas guzzler. Loosing my driving freedom hit me hard and my children too. They no longer had rides to school or to their after school activities. I miss not going to sports events but there never seems to be room for me and the wheelchair after you get the boys, their friends and all the sports bags into the car.


Disciplining children from a chair isn’t easy. I know I shout a lot more than necessary. But by the time I transfer from chair/couch to wheelchair they’ve heard me coming and have either stopped what they were doing or have disappeared. With the lack of mobility, I’m positive my hearing and intuition have improved. I can hear a room being trashed looking for school books or if the tap is left dripping; TV being turned on when their grounded, when they haven’t put the toilet seat down, etc.


I now have arthritis and damage in every joint from neck to toe and parenting hasn’t got any easier. But I haven’t come across a single healthy parent who would say parenting is easy. Our children are wonderful, resilient creatures and they learn to adjust to our limitations, often better than we do.


How has RA affected your parenting abilities?