How many good friends do you have? Besides family, I have very few close friends. I do have a fair amount of acquaintances, but few good, close friends.
We lost a few good friends when our baby, Michael, died (way back in 1984). We found that a lot of people just didn't know what to say to us or how to act around us. I think they felt they could not, or should not be happy or cheerful around us.
I am sure that is the same with RA - a lot of friends don't know what they should say or how they should feel. As the RA progresses, you lose friends because of your lack of mobility. You are no longer able to go on the camping trips, shopping sprees and even visiting friend's homes becomes difficult, at least for me. Not too many campsites are equipped with raised toilets or have easy access for wheelchairs. Everyone I know, besides my mother's home, has stairs. So in most cases, if family and friends want to visit, they have to come to me. My husband and I have both lost a few friends because of this.
Working is another issue with friendship. When you no longer go to work, due to pain and mobility, you don't have that aspect of socialization anymore. I know this also happens when Moms decide to be Stay at Home Moms (I should also add 'or Dads') and to those of us who work from home, through choice or necessity. Your work friends, after a while, disappear. Your interests are not the same and life seems to move on at a different speed for them.
I think this is why the RA blogging community is so great. When we write and read these blogs we become more than just acquaintances. As we learn more about each other, share our stories and some of the same issues we become blogging friends!
I thought I had a friend until she showed her true colors then ran all over blog land trying to convince others I had done her wrong when it was her who was incapable of compassion toward someone who suffers daily with diseases she does not live with. I realized then and there after almost a year of feeling awful about how she treated me, NO MORE. Either love me or hate me I don't care but I am who I am and will change for no one but the good Lord above. I don't have this disease because I don't pray enough or i'm a tragic soul. It is what it is. I hope to meet many others with realistic impressions of life rather than those with their heads in the san pretty life is all gumdrops and cartwheels. Oy. A couple of close friends who I know would do anything for me. I followed you once before but changed out my blog and name to avoid ex friend. Howdy!! Hugs. Tazzy
ReplyDeleteWow, Boy can I relate. We have a friend who several years a go insisted we visit her church where they where having a healing session. Here I was also told I wasn't healed because I didn't have enough faith. This hurt me to the core because I feel/felt my faith was very strong and this is why I could make it through each day. It doesn't take long to figure out who our true friends are but we seem to be a glutton for punishment. More power to you Tazzy! I'm glad you have some good close friends!
ReplyDeleteSo true. Many people just don't know what to say or how to act. The RA bloggers are a wonderful group!
ReplyDeleteThose who think themselves to mighty will have to face their maker on judgement day. To say I'm ill because I have no or not enough faith is ridiculous. God places miracles where they are most fitting and he challenges those of us perhaps who might better serve to show resiliance and strength. I tried to explain to my friend once perhaps my purpose was to show how to wake every single day no matter how crappy I feel or how much I feel like checking out & I smile and say goodmorning to my hubs, kids and pets. Maybe, just maybe, that is my journey. My husband shares this with anyone who will listen. My wife...... she gets up every single day off her bed and walks to her work chair with a smile, a kiss and a good morning. Maybe .....
ReplyDeletehugs
taz